This is a guest post from Isabelle Lauren – https://isabellelauren.com/
I love lube. I own at least 5 different tubes of lube, and only 1 of them have I obtained for free to test. I use lube for solo play with my toys, but also with my husband. It makes the sex a lot better; when it’s all slippery down there I reach an orgasm so much quicker. However, I didn’t used to use lube a lot until very recently. That is because I have this engrained belief that lube is only necessary if there is a problem. So let’s take a look at the misconception around lube and why lube is something everyone should have in their sex arsenal.
You don’t need lube if you’re aroused
The biggest and most damaging stigma around using lube is that you don’t need lube as long as you are properly aroused. The implication being that if you have a drier vagina, you are not aroused enough and therefore your partner must be doing something wrong. Let me say it now: that is utter nonsense. There are so many different reasons for vaginal dryness. Maybe you have just given birth and your body has not adjusted yet to the new reality. Maybe you are on the pill and the resulting hormonal changes ensures that you are less lubricated than you otherwise would be. You could be in menopause. Or you could just be a person who does not have an abundance of vaginal lubrication. We can’t always control what our bodies do and shaming a woman for vaginal dryness is unhelpful to say the least.
Lube makes everything feel better
I have given birth, been on the pill and have gone through (medically induced) menopause in the last ten years so I have struggled with vaginal dryness for quite a long time. My husband accepted all the medical reasons for my vaginal dryness, but when I started on HRT and I started getting properly wet again when aroused, he thought that our days of using lube were over. Almost every time we had sex, he used to assess the wetness of my vagina. ‘You are quite wet, I don’t think we need lube’ was a comment I used to hear regularly, as if I needed to get an assessment of my vagina before he could put his penis there. But even if we started out without lube, halfway through our session we would need to apply at least some. It used to make me feel very self conscious, which is not what you want when having sex. So I finally sat hubby down and explained to him that lube makes everything feel so much better (particularly when he also plays with my clit during intercourse), whether I am ‘naturally wet’ when we start or not. It is also unreasonable to expect me to maintain the same level of wetness for an hour of sex and after having 3 or 4 orgasms. Now we just use lube all the time: I get better orgasms and hubby finally realises that lube does not mean he is not a good enough lover for me (what is it with men and their fragile egos?).
Be careful what lube you use
When I said earlier that I have about 5 different sorts of lube, this does not mean that I use all of them. As a new beginner, I started with Durex Play, which is an okay lube to begin with. But once we started getting into sex toys a bit more, I found the Durex Play drying up too soon and getting quite grotty. At the advice of the sales ladies of a local sex toy shop, I bought some different lube: a warming and a cooling lube. That was a mistake. It seems that I have a fairly sensitive vagina, so the warming lube makes me tingle in the not-so-nice-way. I love the consistency of the lube, but the added chemicals which ensure the lube has warming qualities mean that my vagina is sore for a day afterwards. Not really what you want after sex.
The cooling lube was worse. The sales lady did tell me only to use it for clitoral stimulation, but I rarely only stimulate my clit; I like to cover my whole vulva when I focus on non-penetrative solo play. But this means that the cooling lube, which uses mint to get the cooling effect, also comes into contact with my labia and yes, also my vagina. Result: sore pussy overall. Again, not what you want after or during sex.
I finally ended up with two different lubes I use regularly: one organic one and one plain and simple one without any frills or strange chemicals (Wicked Aqua Sensitive Water Based Lube). The organic one is in a tube and therefore a bit more fiddly to use, so I tend to use that one for solo play. The other one comes in a bottle with a handy pump which hubby loves, so we use that for our playtime together.
There are a lot of great organic lubes out there and they do not have to cost much. Do your research, buy the smallest tube of any new lube you try, because if you don’t like it, you’re stuck with a whole tube of useless lube. (Yes, I speak from experience.) Stay away from lubes which have glycerin (i.e. sugar) as you don’t want to end up with a yeast infection after.
Have fun: lube up!
If you are using lube because of vaginal dryness: good on you and keep using it. Don’t let your partner’s fragile ego over whether he can arouse you make you feel self conscious or guilty. If you think you are “wet enough” not to need lube, try it out anyway. I wish I had started using lube much earlier, even before I had kids and experienced vaginal dryness. While it can be fun to be sore after a long drawn out session of sex, I much prefer to just feel good – and able to go again the next day rather than having to rest and heal.
Finally, spread the word. Talk to your friends, sisters, daughters about lube and let’s make sure lube becomes the norm in the bedroom.